Then, in June I started dating a man. I told him about the possibility of taking the baby when I told him how many kids I already had. I truly thought he would turn and run. I mean, I wouldn't blame him and I had already had it happen with another guy. To my surprise, he didn't run and we were inseparable from that moment on. He later met my kids and they all fell in love with each other. We occasionally discussed the baby, but not in great depth yet. I mean, December was a lifetime away, right?
I had figured out by this point not to bring up the baby to my extended family at all. They were absolutely not accepting of me taking another baby and were not bashful about the fact at all. (I usually feel as though I was adopted or there may have been a mix up at the hospital because I am the only one in my family who knows how and when to hold my tongue.) There had been several awkward meals and gatherings that ended in my in tears because they had told me what they thought of the idea and did not spare my feelings in the process.
In late fall, I was talking to my caseworker on one of her monthly visits at the house with Jayce (he was still in foster care at that time) when she asked me if I had heard from the birth mom. I told her I had on occasion when she text for updates on the kids. The caseworker shared that the mom had reached out to her and shared that she was pregnant and she knew that the baby would be taken away by DCFS as soon as it was delivered. She mentioned that she was going to reach out to me and discuss my taking the baby so that all her kids could stay together. She was having some difficulties with this pregnancy, due to her 4 previous c-section deliveries. She was referred to a specialist and he had told her that he would be calling the DCFS hotline to report the delivery himself.
Within days, the mom reached out to me and asked if we could meet for lunch because she had something she wanted to discuss with me. I told her my boyfriend was anxious to meet her too so we met one Sunday afternoon for lunch. There was no hiding the fact that she was expecting. She stands at about 5 foot nothing and usually weighs about 90 pounds soaking wet. We discussed the pregnancy and the fact that this would be her last because they were doing a hysterectomy as soon as the baby was delivered due to severe scarring from the previous surgeries. She expressed her wishes to have all her children together in the same home.
The next few months were probably the hardest months of my life. I mean, we always think that when we are going through hard times right? Even sitting here typing this now, I can honestly say that this has been the hardest decision of my life. What is one more kid when you have this many? But, I am going to be doing this one alone. I have never really been solely responsible for a kid before. Is it fair to ask my older kids to help me? They didn't sign up for this life, I did. I know I can do hard things though, I am a strong, independent woman and this isn't my first rodeo. What will a baby do to my new relationship with my boyfriend? His only child is 19 years old. What if he decides he doesn't want to start over? What if the baby has medical or emotional problems? I already have my hands full with the other 4 littles and their issues. My ex just started taking the kids on a schedule and I am settling into not having the kids every other weekend, am I being selfish because I am starting to enjoy that alone time? But, what about the baby? She sure didn't ask to be brought into this situation. Doesn't she deserve the same loving home that I have given to the other 4 littles? But, maybe there be another home that might be able to provide a better life for the baby than I could? This is the last one she can have, how do I turn my back on one? How do I explain some day to my kids that they have a sister but I didn't want to be put out so I didn't take her. Now, imagine a playlist of those thoughts (among others like it) on shuffle in your head daily. Add to those all the comments from well intentioned friends and family.
Then, on November 8, 2018, I was at work about to finish up my day and head home when I got a call from my caseworker. I assumed it was something about Jayce or his adoption, but I was met with "Erica, this is the call you have been waiting on. They baby is here! Have you decided if you are going to take her?" And just like that, without a thought or hesitation, I said "YES".
I know this life is not for everybody and I absolutely do not expect people to understand it. All I can say is that it works for us and I know I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing with these children and all the other ones that have been in my home and have touched my life through this
journey in the foster system.
